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Abroad a craftsman, he carried into the closet the skill and energy
which distinguished him when the moon was on the heath Though not
born to the arts of peace, he was determined to prove his respect for letters,
and his masterpiece is no less pompous in manner than it is estimable in
tone and sound in reflection He handled slang as one who knew its
limits and possibilities, employing it not for the sake of eccentricity, but to
give the proper colour and sparkle to his page; indeed, his intimate
acquaintance with the vagabonds of speech enabled him to compile a
dictionary of Pedlar's French, which has been pilfered by a whole battalion
of imitators Moreover, there was none of the proverbs of the pavement,
those first cousins of slang, that escaped him; and he assumed all the
licence of the gentleman- collector in the treatment of his love-passages
Captain Smith took the justest view of his subjectFor him robbery, in
the street as on the highway, was the finest of the arts, and he always
revered it for its own sake rather than for vulgar profit Though, to
deceive the public, he abhorred villainy in word, he never concealed his
admiration in deed of a `highwayman who robs like a gentleman' `There
is a beauty in all the works of nature,' he observes in one of his wittiest
exordia, `which we are unable to define, though all the world is convinced
of its existence: so in every action and station of life there is a grace to be
attained, which will make a man pleasing to all about him and serene in
his own mind' Some there are, he continues, who have placed `this
beauty in vice itself; otherwise it is hardly probable that they could
commit so many modele de cartier roadster irregularities with a strong gust and an appearance of
satisfaction' Notwithstanding that the word `vice' is used in its
conventional sense, we have here the key to Captain Smith's position
He judged his heroes' achievements with the intelligent impartiality of a
connoisseur, and he permitted no other prejudice than an unfailing loyalty
to interrupt his opinion
A BOOK OF SCOUNDRELS
Though he loved good English as he loved good wine, he was never so
happy as when (in imagination) he was tying the legs of a Regicide under
the belly of an ass And when in the manner of a bookseller's hack he
compiled a Comical and Tragical History of the Lives and Adventures of
the most noted Bayliffs, adoration of the Royalists persuaded him to miss
his chance So brave a spirit as himself should not have looked
complacently upon the officers of the law, but he saw in the glorification
of the bayliff another chance of castigating the Roundheads, and thus he
set an honorific crown upon the brow of man's natural enemy `These
unsanctified rascals,' wrote he, `would run into any man's debt without
paying him, and if their creditors were Cavaliers they thought they had as
much right to cheat 'em, as the Israelites had to spoil the Egyptians of their
ear-rings and jewels' Alas! the boot was ever on the other leg; and yet
you cannot but admire the Captain's valiant determination to sacrifice
probability to his legitimate hate
Of his declining years and death there is no record One likes to
think of him released from care, and surrounded by books, flowers, and
the good things of this earth Now and omega watches again, maybe, he would muse on
the stirring deeds of his youth, and more often he would put away the
memory of action to delight in the masterpiece which made him immortal
He would recall with pleasure, no doubt, the ready praise of Richard
Steele, his most appreciative critic, and smile contemptuously at the
baseness of his friend and successor, Captain Charles Johnson Now, this
ingenious writer was wont to boast, when the ale of Fleet Street had
empurpled his nose, that he was the most intrepid highwayman of them all
`Once upon a time,' he would shout, with an arrogant gesture, `I was
known from Blackheath to Hounslow, from Ware to Shooter's Hill' And
the truth is, the only `crime' he ever committed was plagiarism The self-
assumed title of Captain should have deceived nobody, for the braggart
never stole anything more difficult of acquisition than another man's
words He picked brains, not pockets; he committed the greater sin and
ran no risk He helped himself to the admirable inventions of Captain
Smith without apology or acknowledgment, and, as though to lighten the
dead-weight of his sin, he never skipped an opportunity of maligning his
A BOOK OF SCOUNDRELS
victim Again and again in the very act to steal he will declare
vaingloriously that Captain Smith's stories are `barefaced inventions'
But doubt was no check to the habit of plunder, and you knew that at
every reproach, expressed (so to say) in self-defence, he plied the scissors
with the greater energy The most cunning theft is the tag which adorns
the title-page of his book:
Little villains oft submit to fate That great chanel lookalike bags cheap ones may
enjoy the world in state
Thus he quotes from Gay, and you applaud the aptness of the quotation,
until you discover that already it was used by Steele in his appreciation of
the heroic Smith! However, Johnson has his uses, and those to whom the
masterpiece of Captain Alexander is inaccessible will turn with pleasure to
the General History of the lives and adventures of the most Famous
Highwaymen, Murderers, Street-Robbers,
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